not excited about getting engaged

The week of all the services etc. But the wave of joy never got high enough to put me over the edge into actual happiness, and the tide just kept receding in my chest. My FI and I decided early on that we would listen to other people, take thier opinions into consideration, and then do what was best for us. You never want to be away from their side. He presented her with one of those "we're engaged, now shut the fuck up about it" rings. He wanted me to comfort him and tell him it's okay, but honestly, it's not. It really hit me at the rehearsal and then I got super excited. When I was younger, I was taught to be cautious with any of my actions "if I want to find someone" and whether that was a Hispanic thing or not, I've grown up knowing what I deserved from a future partner. I didn't have a dream proposal. I agree that it is hard to have parents not excited for you or not as approving as you would hope. There's no reason to feel guilty because you're feeling a little distracted and overwhelmed. We've been dating for almost 5 years. Say something like, "We're so excited just being engaged right now. I'm worried people will think I'm not excited to marry my FH! I was like what?! So forgive me if I don't seem excited about getting engaged. Much to my horror, I could sympathize with the woman on this season of The Bachelor whose occupation is listed only as "twin.". All rights reserved. Problem with my [31F] friends [34F] fianc [36M]. She said she's not excited but she's not sad, it's a different feeling of her first child getting engaged. My FI and I run up against this on birthdays (which I blow WAY out of proportion) and getaway weekends. But it'll be messier if you stay with him. Thank you girls for all the advice. But loosing your mom makes you appreciate and love your father so much more than you ever had. I could get sick or my fianc could get sick. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Cond Nast. I actually see where you are coming from. The place you grew up helped shape you into who you are and chances are what you were desperately trying to escape when you left for college doesn't seem quite that bad anymore. There are tons of women who only care about the wedding, as opposed to the actual marriage, and we all know what results from that don't we? For me, wedding planning is just not the most fun thing Ive ever done. So right now youre thinking the same thing that all of those people who give me the most amazing reaction faces are thinking, right? You hear your phone go off. Even though I couldnt muster much enthusiasm to get the whole wedding train moving, as soon as I did a few little things like pick a season for the event and which bridesmaids I want by my side, the weight seemed lighter. The winter nights come fast and stay long, We've become so accustomed to our solid structures. This is bullshit. You say that he deserves more, but so do you. And a fear of mine is if I were to get into a relationship would my partner try to seek out the next best thing since that is what we're taught more often than now. refuses to let anyone tell her how she's going to be. I want to be giddy with excitement about getting engaged. But, after 4 years with him, and knowing I want to put up with his crap forever, I figured I'd take it and be happy. Then I realized I was wearing my pj's, no make up and my hair looked like crap! For example, if your product has 10,000 MAUs and 1,000 DAUs in a particular month, your stickiness is 10%. I'm sorry but I will pretend I don't you and possibly actually hide if I see you while I'm buying deodorant at Target. Having said that, OP, if you truly feel like getting married is a chore, I'd have a long talk with your FI about it. But we've learned to understand each other's expectations so the hurt feelings/irritation doesn't happen anymore. Learn More 475 Anonymous Upvoted by Quora User The pain I felt listening to her voicemails left on my phone, hearing her for the last time telling me that she loved me. Here are four reasons why I am excited to be a married man. But that bummed feeling should only last a minute or two and something that you only vent here and think about in your mind and should be quickly overridden by the fact that you are engaged. It means you are so close and everything is done. Will you look like you're bitter or jealous or just unbalanced? And let me be a bit shallow here -- there is not much physical attraction either (maybe I'm just messed up in that department). Hopefully you can both calm down and enjoy your engagement and the rest of your lives together!! There, I said it. You shouldn't stay with someone because you're afraid of the unknown. Now that my wedding is nearly a year away, I'm getting more and more happy about it, the planning process, etc. I do not know if love him the way I should. You are engaged!!! By Look, dont listen to the other commenters. I have to ask - do you actually want to marry this man and spend the rest of your life with him? ago. When will it feel like I'm getting actually married and not just planning? If NYE doesnt elicit glowy, reminiscent feelings, youre not alone. I had another surge of happiness after the wedding eating cake on our bed, and again in the morning when we had breakfast with our friends. All of that other stuff should not matter! I believe that in relationships every issue is fixable. I also agree that maybe her FI should have waited at a better time to propose. We are almost always never forward with our intentions with others. Please tell me that these are somewhat normal feelings?? Its not fair to complain to him that your friends are proposing why not us because then he feels forced to propose before hes ready. Can we set a time to talk about what we each want for this special day?" I am hoping once we settle on a location and date things will be more fun. He loves you when you're cranky, when you've been sick, when your hair is shit and you're in your PJ's. It's already a red flag that OP wasn't anymore genuinely excited and happy about the proposal. I think. I think he was trying to hurt me the way I hurt him. I (26 F) have been with my boyfriend B (29 M) for more than 5.5 years. I ended up breaking up with him. My maid of honor is my best friend but she is in some sort of weird depression and not being helpful or really even excited we got engaged.. My future MIL is so judgemental and doesn't really like me, pretty sure none of his family does. I know quite a few people who married in their early 20's because of some weird societal pressure to settle down. I would also like to add that it is okay to be slightly bummed if the proposal didn't go down the way you had thought it would. In other words, you seem more interested in the show than simply getting engaged. No. We have been together 3 and a half years and there has been so much pressure on us to get engaged and have a wedding it just feels like more of a chore than something to look forward to. Your mother doesn't seem to approve. But, she ended up sitting down and having a good heart-to-heart with my mom and they got everything worked out between them and my parents are pretty happy withhim now. When my husband and I got engaged, I was so excited to be engaged and get married but I had no interest in wedding planning. I am not sure I want to marry him. Guess what? I do think this makes a difference. Sign up on The Knot to reach more couples and book more weddings! I am! We laughed, talked, and just had a great time while shopping. After a month my boyfriend decided to join me for a couple of weeks + we planned a weekend in Miami. I was at the mall with my boyfriend of five years. Provided both parties are willing to work on it. My answer has also been the same from the very first person who asked me to the person who will probably ask me tomorrow: No. I should be so excited but the fun isn't there anymore. Dozens of speeches have either rallied the nation together or driven it drastically apart the impact of speeches in politics, social movements, and wars is undeniable. Jennifer Kustanovich, SUNY Stony Brook5. You all have no idea how much I need too hear all of these kind words and have so much support. I knew it was coming for me, I don't do surprises well, I hunt for my Christmas gifts still and pester for birthday surprises. There are days when you just need your mom. I had picked out the stone and helped pick out the setting. It never seemed close enough to get excited for. For her it was because they had only known each other for about 8 months and they thought it was too quick. I was still in high school and had gone through some very bad experiences in my life that made it difficult to be around men in general, but we hung out a lot and had a lot in common. Rehearsal Dinners, Bridal Showers & Parties. Many posters are correct that OP says she needs to get over the looks thing and be happy. I was certain, pre-ring, pre-him, that Id end up back on the right coast eventually to raise kids, and before it became so official, that still felt possible. Dont you love your fianc? Yes, I know, I cannot plan for everything. I couldnt watch TV on my parents couch for three days straight while they waited on me when I was sick. The 42-year-old reality superstar was married to 'Stronger' rapper Kanye, from 2014 until 2021 and has children North, nine, Saint, six, Chicago, four and three-year-old Psalm with him but following the news that he had tied the knot with Bianca Censori in an unofficial ceremony last week, she is reportedly staying "focused" on . 09/04/2019 23:27, Is he actively obstructive in wedding planningOr just not that interested? To another family? So, I don't think he was too thrilled about the engagement. Of course these are not the only reasons, but they are near the top. No matter how many times people tell me not to stress about it, I have a really hard time not stressing because I still want to be involved in planning my wedding. Can you explain what she'll experience if she breaks up with him? With the Cold War coming to a close and the USSR on the brink of collapse, President Reagan returned to where JFK had stood to deliver a clear message to "Mr. Gorbachev": to destroy the hastily-built Berlin Wall that split Germany. Less than an hour after the speech's delivery, Congress approved for the United States to formally join the Allies in WWII. Make time for (or schedule if you find that helpful) alone time doing things completely unrelated to your wedding. If you are engaged and you aren't sure you should be getting married, STOP PLANNING THE WEDDING. There's a difference between genuinely not having an opinion and saying something like "Do we have to talk about this again? If we are driven by "the experience" then that's probably why things do not work out. That seems to be your issue. I don't even know what to say anymore. But once I actually started, I loved it!! We were thinking of a Summer 2012 wedding, with a year to plan. I live with FH and have been for over a year so I've been more than ready. Kristen Haddox, Penn State University4. And if, You can start the talk by saying something like, "I want this to be our wedding, not my wedding," Dr. Hartzell says. The moment we get engaged my bf (now fianc) looks at me and says "well its your fault it didn't go down romantically". Stressing out not slepping good at night.Felling so tired not knowing if it was really worth it.But on Wensday i went to try on my dress its been custome made. His words stood in contrast to the legacy of his predecessor, Dwight Eisenhower, whose words hardly ever became so impassioned. 5. Maybe some questioned why my mom's ex-husband would say one of her eulogies, but for those close to her we know how much my mother adored my father and appreciated his friendship and all he had done. Yes, the holidays can still be restful even if your family isnt. My engagement wasn't like I expected at all; I had been sick for a couple of months and when summer came I decided to getaway a couple of months to my dads house in Florida. It really h itme Friday morning when my MOH drove in and our rehersal was that night. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and Your California Privacy Rights. Perhaps he was thinking of just getting down on a knee and asking you to marry him during a private moment and is afraid you won't consider it good enough. He is. One day at a time, one beautiful piece by piece, they put together their new life according to their ideal image. One of my best friends was fighting with her then-boyfriend and he said, "I'm trying to propose to you!" So you're in your PJs, your hair is a mess and you don't have a stitch of make-up on, plus ya'll just got in a fight and he's still saying he'd like to sign onto this for forever? Now, Im with someone who wanted to propose and so he did, not one sad conversation had to be had. We went a few places, I got my ring, and bam! Share with your guests to collect your wedding photos. Most of his close friends proposed to their girlfriends this summer, and now our impending proposal feels like a consolation prize. I'm not trying to infer something about you specifically, OP, but I want to put it out there that brides also should put less emphasis on the wedding itself and more on the marriage. I've been in a relationship for 10 years with a truly great person. Have some wine and some yoga and don't wedding plan for the weekend. People keep asking me if I'm excited, and I say no. Thanks for sticking with us for a full year. Fighting about all of this is a big no no!! Well let me start off explaining how I got engaged and maybe that can also help you girls see clearly where I come from or correct me if I am exaggerating. Red flags to look out for are your partner: not setting a date or continually pushing the date off and not wanting to talk about the wedding at all, she says. So we got married in Vegas. It was too much attention on me and my personal life that suddenly was no longer personal at all. But spending an entire month bored out of your mind can make you actually miss college (mostly just your friends and going out on weekends). Every time we browse the store, were shocked and delighted by the perfectly cu, If youre still in the throngs of holiday shopping craziness, its time to take a moment, breathe, and grab something thatll help you de, This story includes sexually explicit and graphic language. An original poem to remind you that you will get through whatever winter you're going through. Not everyone will be happy. But I can kind of see why he may be thinking it. So we were sitting there waiting for the shuttle bus, and he pulled outhis wallet, opened it and insidehe had the ring safety pinnedto it(he was worried he's lose it), and says "I wanted to do this better, but, um so will you?". Reply VIP July 2016 The Way People In Society are Dating is Why I Don't Date, 10 Greatest Speeches In Modern American History, The Only Thing We Have To Fear Is Fear Itself, 13 Roleplay Plots You Haven't Thought Of Yet, 16 Rhyme Without Reason Greek Life Function Ideas. Him, I love with all my heart. Fierce and true the first winter night sneaks in. You should be excited about getting married. It's nothing about the actual wedding/marriage that is wrong. Engaged. Can you tell her what she's missing? #Blessed for not having to eat packaged food for every meal. Don't get bogged down with doing wedding-related things every chance you get. Has to be a mutual decision, but she can still be excited about the idea of it. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). It was perfect for us. How could you possibly not be excited to get married/plan your wedding/etc.? /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. Some people get caught up in the "supposed to's" like Katie said. "This is the most exciting time in you life." I think you are focusing too much on the actual proposal and not thinking about the fact that you are engaged (yay!) Reason number one for why I am excited about marriage is for the opportunity to love one person as my wife. don't worry it will come. I think most of the excitement dies once invites are sent and your RSVPs are over with. I was numb to the pain because of how many people I was surrounded with at all times. My hair was a mess and I'm pretty sure I had sweat off all of my makeup. May 27th still seems so far away. Best way to not be resentful is to stop comparing your relationship to others. Thanks! But when I did, the wedding planning or wedding didn't excite me. JFK mentions the ages-old "I am a citizen of Rome," relating it to democratic Germany instead. I'm just so sad and so resentful about this that I've felt myself growing distant from him and I'm not even excited for him to propose anymore. I had seconds.